yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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