the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
