would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
