Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
