just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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