giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
