Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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