I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
