Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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