Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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