i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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