You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize