dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
