I think I died a long time ago.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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