how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
