fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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