Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
