thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
