I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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