I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
