i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
