Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
