It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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