New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
