It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
