I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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