I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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