I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
