I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
