sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
