who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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