1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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