She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
