my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
