Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
