i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
