so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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