Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
