where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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