Pappa wants mamma naked
they need to just BURY HIM!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
