Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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