my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
