Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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