My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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