I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
