i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
