meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
