Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize