does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
