I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
