All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
