Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
