somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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