Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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