Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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