The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
