Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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