There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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