Whod you bang
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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