So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
