I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
