We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Boobs speak an international language.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
