I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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