My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
