yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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