is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
