Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
