I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
