Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
