She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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