I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
