i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
