a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
