Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize