My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
