...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
