there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
